


New Language Who Dis?

by Penning_the_stars



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Caring Logic | Logan Sanders, Drinking, Drunken Shenanigans, Everyone Is Gay, Everyone else is up to interpretation - Freeform, Everyone speaks another language, Gen, Janus is part of the Mafia maybe, Janus is rich, Languages, Logan is the only smart one, M/M, Only Remile is in a relationship, Sides As Family (Sanders Sides), Sympathetic Dark Sides (Sanders Sides), Sympathetic Light Sides (Sanders Sides), They nearly get arrested, idk how to tag them all but everyone's friends okay???, not underage drinking, they are of age
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:41:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28550292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penning_the_stars/pseuds/Penning_the_stars
Summary: The Sanders do something stupid while drunk. Let's find out how exactly they got to a pancake house with eight people in a tiny car while almost all drunk.Aka: drunken shenanigans with the Sanders Sides
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil & Creativity | Roman & Logic | Logan & Morality | Patton, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Dr. Emile Picani & Sleep | Remy Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, Dr. Emile Picani/Sleep | Remy Sanders, Roman & Patton & Logan & Virgil & Janus & Remus
Comments: 10
Kudos: 30





	New Language Who Dis?

**Author's Note:**

> I did this just for laughs and is kinda a crack fic, so enjoy!
> 
> And please read the tags.

If you ask Patton how they ended up in this situation, he’d giggle and bashfully admit that he had a few too many drinks so he honestly doesn’t remember much. 

If you asked Logan, he’d probably say something to the effect of “I argued against it however as the only sober one in the car, my words held little to no weight in their enbritated minds therefore I cannot tell you how it happened.”

If you asked Roman how they managed to do it, he’d go on and on about how clearly they were blessed by the gods and even though he doesn’t remember exactly how they got to the idea, he believes it still makes sense.

If you asked Emile why he went along with them, he’d shrug and say “I wasn’t in the right head to actually object, was I?”

If you asked Remy why they went to the pancake house when most of them were drunk and it was past midnight, he’d just laugh and take a sip of the coffee you got and then walk away.

If you asked Janus why he went along with it even though he had the highest tolerance besides Remus, he’d simply smirk at you and go on length about drinking and society and then never answer your first question.

If you asked Virgil how it all happened, he’d grumble about Logan not keeping them from being stupid and blaming Remus for the idea in the first place, then panic about you going to the authorities.

If you asked Remus about it, he’d tell you that he drank five bottles of alcohol and felt fine, then decided to grind on his best friend and strip tease his twin, then decided he _absolutely had_ to have pancakes so of course they all piled into one car that only fit four people on a good day!

If you’re confused, that’s okay, anyone reading would be. So let’s go back to that night and try to figure out what happened, who began it, why exactly they all went along with it, and how it played out.

Saturday night.

The Sanders Sides, as everyone calls them on campus, were heading out to go get drunk and make mistakes. Patton, Logan, and Roman, or the Lights as they like to call their mini group, sneaked out of the right wing dorms while Janus, Virgil, and Remus, or the Darks as they nicknamed themselves while high, sneaked out of the left wing. And Emile and Remy, or Remile as the others nicknamed the couple, walked to the bar from their apartment two blocks away from it. 

A few things to know about the Sanders Sides. None of them are actually related, besides the twins Roman and Remus. They all came from different regions of the USA, none of them knowing them others until they happened to be grouped up into dorm rooms. The Darks in one room, the Lights in another. Surprisingly, the twins brought them together and suddenly there were six very gay Sanders on campus. Then they met Remy Sanders at the local Starbucks, and his boyfriend, Emile Picani. Even though Emile’s last name isn’t Sanders, they include him in the group anyway, so now there’s eight very gay ‘Sanders’ going to the college. It confuses the professors to no end, but the men find it funny and a friendship was born between them, along with bar night. They usually take two cars to the bar and assign two or three drivers for that night, or they rent a hotel room for all eight with Janus’ obnoxious amount of money. 

However, this time, they forgot to assign two drivers and that left Logan to be the sober one out of eight.

But we’re getting off track. 

The three groups met up at the entrance of the bar and walked in, beelining to the bar for the first round of drinks. Some went off to dance while others stayed at the bar and kept drinking, though Logan decided to stay at the bar to keep an eye on everyone. Soon everyone was drunk, and Roman and Virgil sing a duet for the karaoke. That is, until Janus pushed Roman off the stage and took over his role, only for Remus to dive onto it and sing background but up an octave, even though he can’t sing that high. Remy cheered for him and accidentally spilled his drink onto Roman, though he barely noticed at the time.

Soon enough Patton and Logan managed to drag Remus off the stage while the other two Dark sides stumbled off. They danced and drank more, until Remus got the idea to go to one of the pancake houses on the other side of town. He told his twin, who told Emile who told Patton who suggested it to the others and though Logan protested, his logical points were drowned out by the others.

“To the cars!” Remus yelled, leading the group outside. Logan sighed and paid their bill, then followed. 

“We only have one driver, not everyone can come!” he reminded the others, gathered around the two cars.

“We can fit!” Roman argued.

“Oh can we now?” Logan challenged, raising on eyebrow.

Twenty minutes later, Logan was in the driver’s seat and Emile was sitting in the passenger seat with Patton on his lap. In the back, Remus and Roman sat shoulder to shoulder with Janus and Virgil on their laps and Remy laying on the floor. 

“We’re going to get pulled over,” Logan muttered as he started the car. 

“What if we get arrested?” Virgil whispered, the alcohol doing nothing to stop his anxiety. If anything, it enhanced it. 

“Don’t we all speak another language?” Janus asked, adjusting his fishnet gloves. “So if anything happens, we all pretend to not speak English.”

“Oh yeah!” Emile said. “I speak Japanese.” 

“And I speak Spanish,” Patton stated.

“I speak Mandarin,” Logan sullenly reported as he stopped at a red light.

“Me and Re speak French,” Roman mused out loud. “Snakey? Stormcloud?”

“I speak Italian,” Janus said.

“Mafia, definitely mafia,” Remus muttered.

“I uh, don’t speak another language…” Virgil started fidgeting with his fishnets. “Oh god we’re going to be pulled over and I can’t pretend to not understand oh god oh god-”

“You speak American Sign Language, correct?” Logan asked, turning down a street.

“Oh. Oh yeah I do!”

“Perfect,” Janus purred. “If we get pulled over, we all pretend to not understand English and Virgil’ll play deaf.”

“Wait, what about Remy?!” Emile asked.

Virgil poked him and Remy did nothing. “I think he’s asleep.”

“Even better,” Janus declared. “We don’t understand English, Virgil’s deaf, and Remy speaks German when he’s woken up so as long as he doesn’t stay awake for too long we can pull this off.”

“But we’re not getting pulled over so we’ll be fine!” Remus chirped with a grin.

They did, in fact, get pulled over. 

“Sirs can you please get out of the vehicle?” a cop asked, knocking on Logan’s window. 

Logan looked at them and started rapidly talking in Mandarin, which no one could understand at the time but I can say went something like, “I do not speak English you idiot and my companions are all drunk. I must get them pancakes then to their homes but for now I’m stuck pretending to not understand you because they are drunken fools.”

The officer was, naturally, very confused. “Um, sir?”

Then Patton smiled at the officer and said in Spanish, which I translate for your benefit, “Hi sir, what’s up?”

Emile followed that up with, again translated, “I wonder why the officer is here, are we being arrested? What’d we do?”

“Alright, can anyone speak English?” the officer asked, glancing at the ones in the back. 

Remus started swearing while Roman said something like, “We have no idea what you’re saying, we are not English-speakers. Obviously.”

Meanwhile Janus began to recite how a court case happens in Italian and Virgil signed the equivalent of “we are all going to die and I’m panicking.”

This went on for a while, the officer trying to communicate with them but the Sanders Sides just talking about meaningless things in their language. The officer eventually sighed and tried something new.

“My name is John Smith,” he said, gesturing at himself. “And you?” he said, gesturing at them.

The group looked at each other and silently agreed to not say their names. “What do you mean?” Logan asked in his language while the others stayed silent or mimed Officer Smith’s actions. 

Now you may think that the officer gave up and left them. You’re right, he did. But only after spending ten more minutes trying to communicate with them. He tried to use goggle translate, but luckily for the Sanders, the site was being worked on and so it wasn’t working for the officer at all.

Eventually he did leave them be, and Logan drove the rest of the way to the pancakes. 

Did the Sanders learn their lesson? Not at all, they now regularly do the exact same thing but with different drivers and seats, occasionally changing languages. Virgil began to pick up the others’ languages and learned to speak enough in each to pass, while he taught the others American Sign Language. They pulled the same thing when sober too, and somehow it worked every time. 

So that, my dear readers, is how the Sanders Sides found their best defense against the law: pretending to not speak English or speak at all. Dumb though it seems, it works well for them. Just don’t ever try it yourself, it may not work well for you.


End file.
